Yep, time to fold up the table, folks--we're pretty much done here...
I know it’s all you’ve heard around the water cooler for the past three days, but I was recently made aware of something so horrifying it’s causing me to engage everyone’s (grossly misinterpreted) piece of cultural sophistication du jour.
I’m not sure this is exactly what the Mayans envisaged as precipitating the end of the great cycle–and it’s not really congruent with any of the symbolic four horsemen either–, but the recent meteoric rise of the “one piece, lie around, lounge around, full body lazy wear” known as the Forever Lazy has to at least signal the end of humanity’s meaningful contribution to the planet if not full-on Armageddon itself.
Imagine a product designed for the person too constrained and pressured by the implicit call-to-action in the Snuggie, while still desiring something to cover their swollen proportions the full round trip from dirty sheets-ridden basement mattress to unemployment office to ass-imprint on their parents’ futon without the hassles of dressing themselves in something even remotely socially acceptable…
Are you f'ing kidding me...
…and that’s pretty much what we have here.
Amazingly, you don’t even have to take it off during those pesky five minutes a day you spend relieving yourself.
No, the good folks at As Seen on TV thought of that–we’ve got a flap on the back, bitches.
Family disappointment, pervasive feeling of failure and removal from consideration as a sexually viable candidate sold separately.
Good catch, Ben.
I was particularly disturbed when the Forever Lazy was being endorsed as a cool, comfy new garment to wear tailgating. These are pajamas folks…and sick ones.
K